Dear Comparison is the first letter in my “Letters of the Heart” series. This series consists of four letters that I wrote to real struggles in my life that have prevented me from becoming the woman that God called me to be. For me to overcome these personal struggles, I needed to confront them head-on.
I hope that as you read these letters, inside of your heart, you see it’s possible to overcome your struggles with God. Journey with me as I share my heart and my battle plans, to combat some of the greatest struggles that held me back from being Christina Leeane.
Dear Comparison,
I allowed you to be one of my greatest hindrances. Like rejection, you have been alongside me since I was a little girl. Growing up, I felt like I was always being compared to my brother. He made better grades and received more attention for his accomplishments. With that attention, came what I felt was abandonment. I had gotten lost in the shadows of others. It was as though everything I did and accomplished never seemed to be good enough.
All I wanted was to feel like “Christina” was her own individual who was successful without feeling like she had to prove herself. However, I have been trying to prove myself for years. I compared my accomplishments with others, looked at photos wishing I attained certain features, and even sought goals that were not my personal ambitions, all in attempts to prove myself.
I’ve become tired of being compared to those who don’t have a say in who God created me. I’ve tried relentlessly for years trying to meet other people’s expectations and beliefs of who they believed I should be/ become. In so many ways, I lost myself. I lost myself in the false identities that people created for me. I tried to become what people expected, rather than seeking God in what He expected of me.
All I wanted was a moment that I was not compared to someone else or felt like I needed to compare myself to another person. Not only have I suffered at the hands of being compared to others, I compared my own identity to so many.
I longed to have certain attributes that others had, and I often neglected to be thankful for what God had given me. I have sought various outlets to make myself feel secured and affirm who I was because comparison caused me to have a major issue with insecurity.
I’ve changed my style, hid my personality traits at times, and even acted like others who I admired. I created a false self. I have found myself in many cases, trying to act like what I thought certain people wanted and expected of me.
I don’t want to keep allowing myself to live in the shadows of other people’s accomplishments, hoping for a day that someone would really notice me without comparing me to someone else.
Instead, I want to be Christina. I want to be the woman God designed in His mind so many years ago. In order to stop comparison, I have to place my eyes on Him. So comparison, you’re going to have leave.
This is My Battle Plan and How I Will Deal With You, Comparison:
- When I begin to feel like I’m being compared, I will remind myself that they DO NOT have the final say in who I am or should be.
- I will conquer my trigger of being compared with the Word of God. These scriptures will be my battle cry:
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- Psalms 139:14, “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
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- Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
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- Jeremiah 1:5, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
- When I personally begin to compare myself to someone else, I will remind myself “WHO” I am in God. This is my affirmation statement:
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- I am Christina Leeane, there’s only one me. When I try to be someone else, I’m not living a life of God-given purpose. I will be myself and be comfortable in the identity God has given me. God’s plans and timing are always perfect! Trust Him!
- I give myself permission, that anytime I feel like I’m being compared, I can change or leave the conversation. If I’m unable to leave the conversation, I will remind myself of my battle cries.
- I will not hold conversations about comparison. This means I will not allow myself to compare someone to another person. Why? Because it contradicts what I believe. I don’t like being compared or comparing myself to another individual, so I should not give myself the opportunity to do that to someone else.
Comparison, you have done me a huge injustice. I have not been able to fulfill my God-given purpose, because you have allowed me to look at what others think of me. Furthermore, I have tried endlessly to meet other people’s expectations of me, rather than going to God. We are officially breaking up.
Sincerely,
Christina Leeane
P.S. I won’t see you around, there’s only one me!